"ChatGPT is here. Finally, a way for me to lose my job to a computer that doesn’t even have the decency to feel guilty about it. It writes poems, it writes code, and soon, it’ll write my suicide note for me."

"The Titan submersible imploded. Five billionaires paid a quarter-million dollars to go see a shipwreck and ended up becoming part of the exhibit. It’s the most expensive way to skip the line in history."

"The "Barbenheimer" craze happened. People went to see a movie about a doll and then a movie about the man who invented the nuclear bomb. It’s a perfect summary of the human condition: pink on the outside, radioactive on the inside."

"The doctor told me I had "AI Anxiety." I asked if there was a pill for it. He said, "I don’t know, let me ask ChatGPT." I haven’t been back."

"My neighbor is "quiet quitting." He goes to work and does the absolute bare minimum. I told him I’ve been "quiet living" for years, which involves the same amount of effort but less fluorescent lighting."

"They found water on an asteroid. Great. Now we can send a billionaire up there to bottle it and sell it back to us for $15 a liter when the Earth finally dries up."

"I like my relationships like I like my Wi-Fi: invisible, silent, and only working when I’m alone in the room."

"Reality is the thing that keeps getting in the way of my perfectly curated digital life."

"If you can’t beat them, join them. And then, once you’re on the inside, start a rumor that leads to their complete destruction."

"The banking crisis happened again. It’s nice to know that every ten years, the people in charge of the money forget how to count. It’s very reassuring."