"Trump won. The UK voted for Brexit. It’s the year that proved that if you repeat a lie enough times, it becomes a law, and if you repeat a truth enough times, it becomes a meme."

"Harambe the gorilla was killed. It’s the first time the internet collectively decided that a dead primate was more important than the actual news. It’s the beginning of the end, folks."

"Pokémon GO was released. Finally, a way to get people to walk into traffic and off cliffs while looking for a digital creature that doesn’t exist. Darwin would be proud."

"I told my doctor I was feeling suicidal. He told me to wait until after the election results, because "the comedy is about to get much darker.""

"My neighbor is so "anti-establishment" he stopped paying his taxes. I told him the "establishment" is going to take his house. He said, "They can’t, I’ve declared it a sovereign nation." He’s currently living in a tent."

"A lot of celebrities died in 2016. David Bowie, Prince, George Michael. It’s like 2016 is trying to build the greatest concert in heaven and we’re stuck with the opening act down here."

"I don’t mind the dark. It’s the only place where people don’t expect me to have an opinion on the news."

"Life is a game where the rules are written in a language you don’t speak, and the referee is currently taking a bribe."

"Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted. Usually, it comes with a high deductible."

"Gravitational waves were detected. It’s a major discovery: now we can actually hear the universe screaming, which is nice because I was getting tired of doing it alone."