"1968 is the year where the "Great Society" finally became a "Great Anxiety." We’ve reached the point where the only thing being "overcome" is our collective will to live."

"I asked my dad why the news is always so sad. He said, "Because the people who write it are currently hiding under their desks, and it’s hard to be funny when you’re checking for snipers.""

"The government says there is a light at the end of the tunnel in Vietnam. They just didn’t mention it’s a freight train coming the other way loaded with more draft notices."

""Mommy, why is everyone crying?" "Because the man on TV told us the dream is over. Now go back to sleep and hope you don't have a nightmare about the rent.""

"The first heart transplant in America happened this year. It’s a miracle of science: we can now give a man a new heart just in time for the tax collector to break it."

"I’m not saying the world is ending, but I saw a man today selling "End of the World" insurance. He said the premium is cheap, but the payout is only valid if you can prove you survived the apocalypse."

"My neighbor is so conservative he refuses to look at the moon because it’s currently being invaded by government employees."

"I don’t believe in ghosts. But I do believe in people who should be ghosts, and I’m willing to help them get there."

"Happiness is just a temporary chemical imbalance that prevents you from seeing the world as it really is."

"If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans for 1969."